*~*AshiE's Journal

Subject:	*NSync, friends, life..
Time:	1:38 am.
Mood:	angry.
Music:	Crazytown - Toxic.

I had the most excellent time at the concert!!!! Oh my God, Justin, Jc, Lance, Chris, and Joey are just.. I can't describe it in words. YUM! The concert was so fun!! Kaylen and her cousin were excellent to be there with, they weren't afraid to dance or anything. Fun Fun Fun!! yay!

Anyway, right now I am so pissed off I can't see straight. I let Kristen spend the night again cause it was late. Well, now, she is complaining her head off like it's just the greatest thing! First at the pool party, she kept baggering me to get in the pool so i said ok ok fine, later.. to make her shut up. Well, she sat there and moped for twenty minuted WAITING. So I finally got in... Well, last night she moped cause I wouldnt give her money to pay for her t-shirt, so I finally did and she was like, Oh my GOd I love you. And now she is acting like I am THE MEANEST person on earth. I don't know why but she is just all quiet and giving me the "evil-eye" and it's so damn frustrating!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH. I am gonna pull her hair out.

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Subject:	my father
Time:	6:38 pm.
Mood:	annoyed.
Music:	Spiderbait - Calypso.

oh my goodiness. I am so annoyed and just plain angry right now. My dad is just so rrrr. He is on my case ALL the time!!!!! I was getting ready to clean up around 4:30 - 5 when he came home (he was an hour early!) so I was like, forget it. He came in my room and told me to get off the phone then got all in my face about the house being dirty and it seemed he was basically blaming it all on me. Then he got furious that the stupid 500$ dog, "TJ The Dog", got out. It's like, not my fault! Why doesn't HE take time to clean everything? He thinks I do? I am just so sore and tired from that concert and my whole sleeping schedual is screwed up.
I am just so freakin' tired of NEVER being able to live up to his expectations. I'm too fat, I eat too much, I'm too lazy, I need to lose weigh, I need to do things on my own, I need to start to pay attention, I need to get up off my ass more often. FIrst off, because I'm not a toothpick and I wear a size 3-7 I am FAT. He says I could afford to lose a little weight and that I should exercise. Well excuse me! And second, it's always my fault about everything. If I leave the house dirty, if I get a bad grade, if I get "attitude" a little too often.. It's ALWAYS me. My brother was sitting on his ass while I was being accused of all this shit. How did the dog out? I don't know. Did you let him out? NO. Look at this, it's a mess. The whole house is a mess! Then why don't you clean it up... Look at the bathroom, you need to start paying attention. What were you doing all day? Trying to relax when I finally get you off my back. Why didn't you do the dishes? Why why why why!? WHAT CAN I NOT DO WRONG!? It's always me me me. I never live up to his expectations!! He says he loves me but yeah, come on. whatever. My mom is (usually) happy with the way I am. Now everyone always wonders why I call myself fat, have 0 Self Asteem, and don't think I can do anything right. I can't! I clean the dishes.. DO THESE LOOK CLEAN TO YOU!? WHATEVER. If he would just get off my back once in a while and chill and let me do my thing then everything would be fine. he leaves the house a mess.. cups in his room, bowls in the computer room, stuff in the living room, CANS, everything just everywhere!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD. and its always my fault cuz "i eat too much..." whatever. IF I weighed 88 lbs and was perfect w/ straight A's and did everything he wanted me to do then everything would be fine. Well then fine, I'm gonna weigh 88 lbs, even if it means killing me. Whatever, if it'll get him off my back!

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